Dream - A four year olds nightmare

I was raised in a wee part of the eastern shores of Lake Rotorua. There were eight or nine homes that surrounded our Marae which were at least five minutes walk apart and at most 30 minutes walk apart. The families dwelling in these homes were all related and were of Maori descent.

When I was four years old, I had two older sisters, one older brother, one younger sister and a baby brother. All eight of us lived in a tiny two bedroom house. One bedroom was for my siblings and I, the other for our parents.

I loved spending huge amounts of time outdoors basking in the beauty of Mother Nature, as did most of my siblings. We could be found climbing trees, exploring the native bush or lying in the shade of the ferns just staring into the sky. Sometimes, after swimming, we could be found lying half buried in the sandy shores of the lake singing to the sky or marveling at the wonder of it all.

We had no TV and this was how we passed the time in our childhood days.

I remember my very first dream as a four year old. It would not be the only time I would have this dream. This dream would haunt me for the next six years. I would have this dream at least four times a week without fail.

He has curly blonde hair that frames an oblong face. He is white; he has thick blonde eyebrows that protruded like a hood over his piercing blue eyes.  He is a man! He frightens me. He smiles as he speaks but I do not like the look in his eye. I have never seen that look before but it frightens me. What is he talking about? I don’t understand. Why is he smiling and looking at me like that? Please stop, you are scaring me I cry. He never hears what I say. He started to touch me. I am screaming but I cannot hear myself. What are you doing? He is still smiling with that look in his eye. He is talking but I don’t understand what he is saying. He keeps touching me all over my body. I am frightened. He touches me in places no one is allowed to touch me. I am screaming at my sister who is in my bed with me. She can’t hear me. I scream out to my other sister and my brother they can’t hear me. I scream out to my mum and dad they can’t hear me. How come no one can hear me I cry out? He keeps touching me. I am frightened. He can’t see I am crying. He opens my legs. I am kicking and screaming but my legs are not doing what I am thinking I am doing. He has a weird look in his face. I am frightened. His head goes between my legs and I tell myself to wake up! Wake up now, you are dreaming! I wake up. It is pitch black in the room. I am crying and I am frightened. I can hear my sister beside me sleeping. I am calming down. I hug my sister, I calm down more. I can still feel him near me so I jump up frightened again and run into my mum and dads room. They are sleeping. I quietly slip into the bottom of their bed. I am safe now. He can’t get me now. My mum and dad will protect me. I am calm. I am not frightened any more.  I hear my Dad snoring and it soothes me and carries me off into a peaceful sleep. No more bad dream.

The next morning, my mum woke me and asked why I was sleeping in their bed. As I sat up Dad was looking at me with a knowing smile. I told them about my dream. Mum and Dad looked at each other curiously. I suspected they knew what the dream was about but were not going to tell me. Instead they assured me it was just a dream and one day when I was old enough I would understand it. Dad then said gently, it’s ok, you are always safe. I accepted that as law and even though the dream frightened me every time, I was comforted by the belief that I was safe. Not to mention the fact that I always ended up in Mum and Dads bed!

As I grew older, my parents, over time taught me about our connection to all things. Connecting eventually became a lot easier. The dream started to make a little bit more sense. In my teens, I came to understand what the man in the dream was doing. Whilst I understand the recurrence of this first dream was probably from the fear of the first. Who or where I was connected to in that first dream I still don’t know.

All I know is, that there is no way a four year old could have a dream like that and not be connected to some person, somewhere at some time.